So we have this big scene at the end where the Three have to vanquish the Big Bad. I don’t think that’s a spoiler. Nobody thought they’d all have tea, right? We kept putting in placeholder text for the chant as we wrote but we have a DLD draft now–yes, we have a whole book and we’re revising it into a beta draft as I write this–so that means a chant. Which means I researched exorcisms in Mesopotamia. I won’t say I found any catchy lyrics but I found some really good stuff. Like one tribe used aromatic rings to draw the demons. Smelly rings. I see smelly rings in a sequel. And magic knots were good: “Her knot is loosed, her sorcery is brought to naught, and all her charms fill the desert.” Loved that one. Maybe that’s in the sequel, too. If we do a sequel.

And then there was the plain old incantation:

You are bound and sealed, all you demons and devils and liliths, by that hard and strong, mighty and powerful bond with which are tied Sison and Sisin…. Who burns and casts down with nightmare . . . She is conquered and sealed away from the house and from the threshold of Bahram-Gushnasp son of Ishtar-Nahid by the talisman of Metatron, the great prince who is called the Great Healer of Mercy…. who vanquishes demons and devils, black arts and mighty spells and keeps them away from the house and threshold of Bahram-Gushnasp, son of Ishtar-Nahid.

Bahram-Gushnasp knew his demon-casting. Or there’s the pithier:

Be exorcised. by heaven! Be exorcised by earth! Get out!

which I quite like but it’s a little short for us.

Or:

Your place is not in the East.
Your place is not in the West.
but your food is the food of ghosts,
and your drink is the drink of wraiths . . .
you may not go around there in the midst of the city.
Go to the base of the Netherworld, to your darkness.
I have indeed adjured you by the great gods, so that you may depart.

And then they got serious:

May the snare of Ea catch it;
Or which hath assailed the meal of Nisaba,
May the net of Nisaba entrap it;
Or which hath broken the barrier . . .
May the great gods entrap it,
Like water may they pour it out,
Like a goblet may they dash it in pieces,
Like a tile may they break it;
Or which passeth over the wall,
Its wing may they cut off;
Or which (lieth) in a chamber,
Its throat may they cut;
Or which looketh in at a side chamber,
Its face may they smite;
Or which muttereth in a chamber,
Its mouth may they shut;
Or which roameth loose in an upper chamber,
With a basin without opening may they cover it;
Or which at dawn is darkened,
At dawn to a place of sunrise may they take it.

So based on that, I wrote this . . .

Your place is not with us.
Your place is not here.
Your death is our well-being.
Your death is our deliverance.

At dawn to a place of sunrise may we take you.
Your throat may we cut;
Your face may we smite;
Your mouth may we shut;

Go to the base of the Netherworld.
Go to the place of your belonging.
We adjure you by the great goddess, so that you may depart
And we may live.

. . . which I thought was pretty snappy.

Well, you’d have thought I kicked a puppy:

Jan 5 11:10 PM
Jenny C. What do you think?

Lani D. I think we might want to rewrite the chant.

Jenny C. LOL

Lani D. They don’t want to cut Kami’s throat. It’s a little graphic.

Jenny C. That sucker is AUTHENTIC.

Lani D. Those Mesopotamians didn’t (obscenity deleted) around.

Jenny C. Honest to god, that’s straight from the Sumerians.
Mina’s family would LOVE it.

Lani D. I believe you.

Jenny C. I keep typing Sumerican.
Which is what Sam is.

Lani D. So Abby’s is about the first stage of banishment, Daisy’s about the middle, and Shar finishes.

Jenny C. Well, remember, it doesn’t have anything to do with the three of them. It’s just a sacrifice chant.

Lani D. Up to you. I’m not adamant about it.

Jenny C. No, I’m not arguing for the chant as it is
but it can’t be a Three chant
it has to be a sacrifice chant
logically.

Lani D.Yes, done in three stages.
It doesn’t have to be for them or from them.
But I think it needs to fit in the book nicely.

Jenny C. You just want a kinder gentler bloody sacrifice chant.

Lani D. LOL
No, I want something more specific to banishing.
I want a banishing chant.
This is a sacrifice chant, but they’re not sacrificing Kami.

Jenny C. If the Wortham’s have the chant
it’s got something to do with death.
And the sacrifice is the only holiday they’d have.

Lani D. Well, yes.
Banishing to Ereshkigal is a deathly thing.
But the girls aren’t sacrificing Kami.

Jenny C. But it’s not banishing exactly.

Lani D. I think it just makes it confusing.

Jenny C. It’s sending the sacrifice to Ereshkigal for six months.
The thing I wanted was something logical.
Send the sacrifice to Ereshkigal, send Kami to Ereshkigal.
I would like something that could be sung to Jingle Bells or something else easy.

Lani D. LOL
Ereshkigal, Ereshkigal, torture all the way.
Oh what fun
it is to die
on a summer solstice day-ay!

Jenny C. That’s the spirit.

Lani D. I’m in the holiday zone.

Jenny C. I think it’s funny you object to the throat cutting.
What did you think they were going to do, pat her to death?

Lani D. No.
It’s this chant when they’re trying to banish Kami.
It’s confusing.
It makes it sound like the girls are going to come after her with a knife, and that’s not the plan.

Jenny C. sigh
And yet, it appeals.

Lani D. I realize the Ancient Sumerians didn’t have a chant handy for every occasion.

Jenny C. Actually, they probably did.

Lani D. I’m just saying.

Jenny C. Okay, what do we need in the chant.

Lani D. Let the betas tell you when they’re all confused.

Jenny C. Nah, we can do a better chant.

Lani D. “When were they going to cut her throat?”

Jenny C. LOL

Lani D. And then you’ll say, “Gee, maybe we should rewrite the chant” and I’ll say, “THREE DAYS.”

Jenny C. Basically we need to say
Go to Ereshkigal. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 shekels.

Krissie O. has entered the room

Lani D. Krissie!
You’re back!

Jenny C. KRISSIE!
It’s like NORM!

Krissie O. lol. hi guys

Jenny C. I wrote a bad chant.

Lani D. No you didn’t.

Jenny C. Don’t patronize me, Rich.
She doesn’t like my chant, Krissie.
She says it’s too violent.

Lani D. Oh, wah. Yeesh. It’s not like you wrote it.

Jenny C. She wants a NICE human sacrifice chant.

Lani D. OH (obscenity deleted).

Jenny C. Well, it’s a real diss on the Sumerians.

Lani D. Misrepresentations, lies and slanders.
Jeez.

Krissie O. what’s your chant?

Lani D. It’s not her chant.
She stole it off some dead Sumerian and is now getting all precious about it.

Jenny C. It’s the Sumerians sacrifice and exorcism chant.
Well, it’s pieces of several chants.
I cut the boring parts.

Krissie O. Hey, sounds good to me. At least it’s authentic.

Jenny C. She doesn’t like the “cut your throat” line.

Krissie O. Haven’t seen the chant yet.
Where is it?

Jenny C. Hang on.

Your place is not with us.
Your place is not here.
Your death is our well-being.
Your death is our deliverance.
At dawn to a place of sunrise may we take you.
Your throat may we cut;
Your face may we smite;
Your mouth may we shut;
Go to the base of the Netherworld.
Go to the place of your belonging.
We adjure you by the great goddess, so that you may depart
And we may live.

Krissie O. LOL
I mean, I shouldn’t laugh
but it’s pretty funny.
Your mouth may we shut.
that line really resonates with me.

Jenny C. LOL

Lani D. Okay, Krissie, you’ll listen to reason.
they’re not killing her
they’re banishing her
I think the chant should be about banishing

Krissie O. oh, definitely.

Lani D. That’s all I said.

Jenny C. It’s a SACRIFICE chant

Krissie O. They can’t do a death chant.

Jenny C. The Worthams don’t banish, they kill.

Lani D. Yes, but they’re BANISHING

Krissie O. she can say it about Sam.

Jenny C. They’re getting it from the WORTHAMS.

Krissie O. I agree with Lani.

Jenny C. I’m dying laughing here.

Lani D. LOL

Krissie O. But it wouldn’t work. It’s not what they need.

Lani D. OOOH, WORTHAMS. My characters.
I get to write the chant.
Ha!

Jenny C. Go for it.

Krissie O. even if it came from the Worthams.

Lani D. It’ll be all hearts and flowers

Jenny C. but remember it’s the WORTHAMS.
They make the Addams family look like preppies.

Lani D. “We’d like it so much if you went away
We hate to be rude
But if you could just run along
We’d really appreciate it.
‘Kay? Kay.
LOL

Krissie O. You could have the original and say your loss instead of your death.

Jenny C. Picture Mina saying it
INTO THE DARKNESS, INFIDEL OF HELL

Krissie O. Come on, guys, both of you could channel Mesopotamians.

Lani D. RIGHT. See, Krissie understands.
LOL

Jenny C. I’m just saying

Krissie O. But we don’t want them to be like Mina
Maybe they shouldn’t get the chant from Jamie.

Jenny C. The Worthams Christmas card has the crucifixion on it.

Krissie O. Maybe they should get it from Ray.

Jenny C. Or Hallmark.

Lani D. The best part is, we’ll fight about this all night, and in three days she’ll come back and say, “I’ve been thinking. It really should be a banishing chant. What do you think?”

Jenny C. Hallmark does a great line of sacrifice cards.
Look, just LOGICALLY

Lani D. LOL

Jenny C. If they get the chant from a Wortham, it’s gonna be about death.

Krissie O. Then it won’t be the right chant, they’ll try it and it won’t work

Jenny C. If they get the chant from Hallmark, then you can scale back to banishment

Krissie O. They’ll try it I mean

Jenny C. My theory was, anything they chanted would work.

Krissie O. It’s not the chant they need.
Krissie O. Nope.

Jenny C. They could have chanted Jingle Bells and their emotions would have evoked their powers.

Krissie O. They’re chanting the death of someone. The gruesome death of someone.

Jenny C. Well, yeah.
They’re Worthams.
Am I the only person who remembers they’re Death?

Krissie O. Then you have to change getting the chant from Jamie.

Lani D. NO, but the crux of the climax lies on the chant being important and working.
They can’t just say anything.

Jenny C. Oh, right.
They have to believe it’s going to work.
Words are magic.

Lani D. Two seconds ago, they could chant Jingle Bells.
Make up your mind, Crusie.

Jenny C. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
Krissie, what do they sing to Hernando’s Hideaway?

[And then there was much singing of show tunes between Krissie and Jenny for several minutes]

Krissie O. Lani has gone into shock.

Jenny C. Okay, let’s make up a chant to Hernando’s Hideaway.
We know how the Sumerians sounded.

Krissie O. I already made my offering.

Jenny C. Okay fine, I’ll make it up.
You just want banishment?
I’ll give you banishment.

Krissie O. You can do it, babe.

Jenny C. You’ll be stunned.

Krissie O. Yes, just banishment.
Send her to the ends of the earth.
But don’t threaten to kill her.
No ripping off her head and shitting down her neck
Please.

Jenny C. LOL

Krissie O. They could chant [spoiler for song here and more singing with Krissie and Jenny]

Jenny C. Oooh, maybe that’s what I’ll base the chant on.

Krissie O. Oh, god, that would be funny!

[More Krissie and Jenny singing the song they're going to base the chant on]

Lani D. You guys are still singing?
Lani D. LOL

So now I had to come up with a kinder, gentler cast-you-into-hell cheer. So I used the song Krissie suggested because I love it and wrote this:

You must descend/To the darkness beyond
Into the sands/Of the place without souls

Depart from us/Go where you belong
To the place of despair/We now cast you out.

We abjure you by/The great goddess who is Three

Now you are bound/Now you are sealed
Now you are nightmare/Now we awake.

Which I have to admit, I like better.

So what tune do you sing that to? Huh? Huh?