Coming to a Nuclear Missile Silo Near You!
Okay, big news on the horizon, but until that’s settled, we thought we’d share with you guys the latest in our evil plans to take over the world. It all starts and ends with the nuclear missile base in Washington state that’s for sale on eBay. Yep, you heard me right. eBay. Add to this the plans Jenny, Krissie and I have to all move out west together and start our own writer’s commune and… well… that’s how conversations like this happen:
Jenny: Krissie, they’re going to lower the interest rates again. We must buy land.
Krissie: Richie would love it.
Richie’s been looking on ebay.
there’s some nice land on ebay.
Lani: Richie’s been looking for land on ebay? LOL
Krissie: Not that we’d buy it that way but it’s fun to look.
Jenny: Did you see that missile base for 1.5 mill?
Jenny: I was sorely tempted.
Krissie: Yup.
Lani: What???? Are you serious? A missle base?
Jenny: But I don’t have 1.5 mill.
Krissie: Not a bad price for all those buildings.
Jenny: Yes. It’s fabulous.
Krissie: It had 18 buildings, Lani
Jenny: Lots of acreage and tons of buildings. We could hold classes.
Lani: Wow. We could use that.
Jenny: Hell, we could hold rock concerts.
Lani: You know, every girl needs a missile base.
Krissie: it’s true
Someone needs to put that up on the d&g blog
(notice me not volunteering)
Lani: Oh, the buildings are UNDERGROUND, too.
Krissie: I didn’t even realize it was in Washington.
Lani: How handy for when that nuclear winter hits!
Jenny: The thing is, split three ways, it’s not bad.
Lani: I think we’re missing an opportunity here, girls.
Krissie: Hmmm. Richie always liked the idea of underground houses.
Lani: Right - let’s keep that in perspective.
I think we need to check it out.
Jenny: Ten minutes to the interstate.
Lani: I hear Spokane is lovely.
Jenny: 57 acres.
Lani: Except for that damn missile base in the middle of… oh. Wait.
Jenny: Close to Ritzville. What a great address.
Lani: 57 acres!
Jenny: I want Area 57.
Lani: Area 51?
Krissie: Area 51. Oh, because it has 57 acres.
Jenny: Oh. You know the person who’s selling this is named Bari. Do we trust anybody who spells Barry Bari?
Lani: Well, NOW it’s suspicious.
Lani: Up to then, I was all for it.
Krissie: Do we trust anyone who has barry bari?
Jenny: we could have out own airstrip. That appeals.
Lani: DO WE TRUST ANYONE WHO SELLS MISSILE BASES?
Krissie: good point.
Lani: Oh, our own airstrip! Now I’m waffling.
Krissie: on ebay, no less.
Lani: How does someone named Barry Bari get the job to sell a missile base on eBay?
Oooh - what’s his feedback rating?
Krissie: let’s buy lottery tickets..
Jenny: No, it’s Bari Hotchkiss.
Lani: “Great eBayer! Island was exactly as described…”
Jenny: We couldn’t get away with a name like that in a book. LOL.
Krissie: chuckle
Lani: Look at his feedback. He’s sold…
… a queen headboard…
… a weight machine…
Jenny: I KNOW.
Lani: … and a missle base.
Jenny: My god.
Lani: One of these things is not like the other…
Jenny: He’s moved from weight machines to missile bases. All of which he picked up at a garage sale.
Lani: That’s quite a jump for Bari Hotchkiss.
Krissie: indeed.
Jenny: I’m still laughing at “Island was just as described.”
Lani: You know, he’s going to be doing those “get rich quick” infomercials on late night TV soon.
Okay, can I put the missile base discussion on the site?
Because that’s funny.
Jenny: Sure.
Krissie: Definitely.
Maybe we could take up a collection?
Get these girls a missile base.
Lani: Oh, we should!
Krissie: sounds good.
Lani: The Goddess Missile Base Fund.
Jenny: There are pictures you know.
Lani: Because Every Girl Should Have a Missile Base.
Jenny: Most godforsaken place you’ve ever seen.
Krissie: But it’s home.
Jenny: Not to mention the place is probably radioactive.
Krissie: plenty of room for three dachsunds.
Lani: Oh, one of his negative feedbacks were that the guy puts up jokes and then leaves negative feedback.
Jenny: So the dogs really would start to talk.
Lani: And the response was:
Titan Missile Base Ad NO JOKE!! Dan U wasted expensive AD and 240,000+ hits
Jenny: So Bari isn’t trustworthy?
Lani: That’s direct from Bari himself. Or herself.
Jenny: Huh? Dan U did what?
Lani: What is this world coming to when you can’t trust the sale of a missile base on eBay?
Jenny: Really.
Lani: That’s verbatim what Bari said in response to an accusation that the missile base was a joke.
Jenny: It’s not like the days when you could buy the face of Mary on a toasted cheese sandwich.
Lani: Although I don’t really understand it.
Jenny: Those people had morals.
Lani: Maybe it’s Haiku? Bariku?
Krissie: getting a titan missile base. Priceless.
Jenny: Inconceivable.
Lani: Right. The toasted cheese days of yore.
Jenny: LOL.
Jenny:So we scratch the missile base and go back to looking for Clitoris in Washington.
Krissie: yup.
Jenny: Damn.
Lani: Oh, what could have been. The Clitoris Missile Base.
Lost opportunities.
Krissie: lol
Jenny: My life is full of them.
Krissie: the Russians would definitely never find it
Jenny: And I bet that base is radioactive.
Krissie: but our skin would glow
Jenny: And the dogs would talk. Hell, everything would glow.
Lani: Right. Nothing’s sexier than the soft green glow of severe radiation. You’d never stub your toe in the dark again!
Krissie: ah, well.
Lani: Talk about a bright side.
Jenny: I’d be able to find the dogs when they went out at night. All kinds of upside.
11 Comments so far
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Hey, Ladies! I’m so glad you liked my idea. If I had a spare $1.5 mil sitting around, I’d snap that right up. Aside from anything else, it just begs to be played with. /;+)))
Yep, forgot to tell Lani that you’d posted the site on Argh. I forget everything these days.
I find it ironic that a missile base (very phallic) would be named Clitoris (explanatory). But I like it! I’ll gladly donate to the cause as long as a bunk can be reserved in my name!
Does the seller post pictures?
And he will remodel to suit!
how can you pass that up?
Bari indicates a “joint venture preferred, something neat… not like raising mushrooms” What could be neat than a clitoris writing commune?
Never trust anyone with a unisex name.
Sincerely,
Mel
Heh heh, Mel.
I would trust you with a missile silo, though. Bari… I’m not so sure.
Oosh… I kinda think I want it.
That woman who saw the face of Mary on the toasted cheese sandwich (which I refer to as the Holy Grill), went on Miami Ink to have the image tattooed on her chest. Talk about overmilking your 15 minutes of fame.
http://www.seattlechatclub.org/UFOWatchKitty.html for a description of a tour of the site in 2003 - the people who visited it said “It is interesting to ponder that perhaps the Titan site like the pyramids awaits another pharaoh to take over and live into antiquity.”
Maybe it really needs a Mesopotamian Goddess.
You’re missing the biggest upside: just think how jealous Bob would be.
Radioactive, schmadioactive. The radioactive stuff is in the Tri-Cities. You’re well protected out in Spokane. And 1.5 mil? Are you kidding me? that’s a steal. If interest rates fall, you can re-fi. If they rise, you’re set.
Please reconsider. The Palouse is gorgeous - wheat fields everywhere, snow at Christmas, gorgeous hot weather in the summer. I’d come for a class. The dogs would not glow. You could date cowboys and then marry WSU profs. It would all be beautiful. Plus, more apples than you can shake a stick at, and did you know Washington State has a great reputation for its red wines?
Not to mention its chocolate.