Rewriting Shar
So I’m thinking about Shar, about who she is and what she wants and about how her four scenes in the first act go together as she pursues her goal. What goal is that? Damn good question. In the first scene she wants to find out about Kammani Gula. In the second scene she wants . . . Uh, I’ll get back to you on that. In the third scene she wants to get rid of Sam. And in the fourth scene she wants to find out what the hell is going on.
So the transition from three to four is good: Sam shows up, she gets rid of him, and goes back to the temple to find out what’s going on. And in a way, she’s trying to find out what’s going on in the first scene, too. It’s that second scene that’s all over the place.
So the second scene. I can put in a three beat and start the scene with the three messages on the answering machine: Dog, Ray, and Pia’s mother (yes, I’m looking at Pia again; if the girls send you something, pay attention). So maybe the first beat is Wolfie trying to talk to her while she listens to the answering machine, and then the second beat is Wolfie getting to her because she thinks she’s drunk, and the third beat is . . .
My problem is that second scene. I can tighten the third and fourth scenes, but I can’t fix this act until I figure out the meaning of that second scene. And the overall arc of that act. It’s about Shar trying to find the right answer, maybe . . .
Hmmmm. Back at you later.
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Pia - yay!!
Go the girls.
Okay. This is the scene we kept fighting about in NYC, right? You wanted to cut Sam rising in the bedroom, and I said no, no, no. You absolutely need Sam rising in the bedroom.
I think the problem with this scene is that it does too much, and it stretches over too much time. Honestly? I think you could do without the messages altogether. I know you want to introduce Dog and Ray and set up the taser, but I don’t think you need Dog, and Ray and the taser can be set up with a placeholder (maybe he leaves Wal-mart flowers that are all cheap and wilty and dying on her doorstep, with a post-it note stuck on the plastic sheeting that says, “Can’t make it. Call later.”) All you need to do here is set up his lameness; that’ll do it. Then Wolfie and Shar can talk, and she can go into the whole taser thing, throw the flowers in the trash, talk with Wolfie as she goes up the stairs. Then have Sam rise before she goes to bed, but maybe have her convince herself she’s already gone to bed and it’s all a dream; that might be funnier, especially since it’s all about denial.
As a matter of fact, maybe your three-beat can be about denial.
First, she’s in denial that Wolfie is talking to her - it’s the hooch. I’ve had too much to drink. She still talks to him through the scene, but she denies it’s real.
Second - Ray’s obviously a loser, but she denies it. Maybe she defends the bad flowers and the date breaking and the taser to Wolfie, but then runs out of energy; even Shar can’t deny that Ray’s a tool for too long.
Third - she denies the God has risen in her bedroom. She insists it’s a dream, and tasers him, drags him into her bathroom.
I mean, since the whole first act is about denial, it fits. What do you think?
Yep.
I may try structuring it without the messages. Except that I really want the messages. So that could mean either that . . .
The Girls are demanding the messages.
Or
I’m in total denial and being stubborn about something that should go.
Hmmmmm.
That’s a tough call. It’s sometimes really hard to tell the difference between what the girls are insisting on and what we really just don’t want to let go. It’ll become clear in time. I have total faith that whatever way you go, it’ll be brilliant.
Yes, brilliant. And dahlinks, we all need Sam rising in the bedroom.
In re-reading the scene, I thought the arc is Shar learning to hear Wolfie - first to understand what he’s saying and eventually to believe him (”He’s real!”).
The other thing I got out of it was that Shar is trapped in Mesopotamia - “dreaming the book”.
As for the messages - we’re not going to remember the first message, and “Ray’s a loser” doesn’t require a voice mail, you can telegraph that in 1000 different ways.
Pia will find her place.
Looking forward to see how you tighten it all into the crispy stuff we love …
What a gift! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, your struggles and your collaboration process. This is soooo helpful. Esp. because when I’m stuck in my WIP, I think there’s something wrong with me, I get confused by all my choices, and then I eat more chocolate. I need to trust the process a bit more! Thanks again for sharing! This is fabulous.
This is all so much fun - I missed it while you were gone, and I moved, but now I can bookmark it again.
These two posts were great company for a Friday lunch.
I’m working on it. Sidetracked by cleaning my office, but still working on Shar.