5. Abby Meets Christopher
So I”m hoping this will show all the notes from Jenny and Lani, telling me what an ignorant slut I am (no, really, they were very tactful) and all the deletions and additions I made, but somehow I’m doubting it will. This isn’t the first draft but fairly early one — with Miranda/Matilda rather than Beastie.
Aha — I checked. The changes don’t show up but our comments do. AO is me (Anne Stuart Ohlrogge), JC is you know who, LDR is Lani). See if you agree with their points.
I’ll be putting up the revised version in a couple of days (after I revise it :>)
Abby emerged from the Ancient History building, clutching her stone bottle of butter-yellow punch. She was absolutely starving[JC1][AO2] – she needed to finish her last delivery and make it back to the Jeff in time to have a salad with lemon and vinegar.
You need a cheeseburger and fries, Miranda said. You haven’t eaten anything all day.
Abby laughed, shoving her long hair back. She’d always had a pretty good idea of what Miranda was thinking – her long-nosed face was easy to read, but this was the first time she’d actually heard[JC3][AO4] her voice. With just the lilt of an Irish accent It should have been a shock, but for some reason it seemed perfectly natural.
That was some punch Kami had given her on top of an empty stomach. She would kill, literally kill[JC5] for the recipe. If she was the kind of person who went around killing people. Something that wonderful needed to be shared. If she had any doubts about going back on Thursday they were now banished. She wasn’t going to give up until Kami had told her how to make it[LDR6] . Kind of like an electric Kool-aid with fizzy bubbles. She almost felt as if she were floating.
Settle down, my girl, Miranda said. You have one more delivery to make.
“You’re right,†she said. At least she didn’t have far to drive. The Math building was three streets over, and she was tempted to walk, but that would take longer, and right now food was her top priority. That and getting paid.
It was four blocks over, the streets were one way, and by the time she found her way to the building her hands were shaking and her stomach growling. At least there was a small parking place right in front of it. In fifteen minutes she’d be devouring bean sprouts and Romaine …
The screeching sound of metal on metal broke through her abstraction, and she slammed on the brakes, cursing. She’d always been miserable at parallel parking, and the shiny new Lexus she’d just side-swiped bore painful evidence: deep scratches along the entire left side of the car. She finally managed to squeeze the entire length of her two-tone Ford LTD and park, only to realize the Lexus had temporary plates on its elegant backside. Brand-new, and she’d raped it.
“Oh, shit,†she said.
Crap is a little more genteel, my dear.
Hunger must be getting to me, Abby thought. “Oh, crap,†she said. “Come along, Miranda. Yes, I know you’re an elegant, well-behaved lady but I don’t trust you not to take off on the spur of the moment.â€
You’re the one who runs when things get difficult, Miranda said.[JC7]
Abby ignored her. It had to be her own guilty conscience, not Miranda at all, and she intended to pay absolutely no attention to it.[JC8][AO9]
She shouldered the two large boxes of goodies[JC10], resisting the urge to eat just one. There were cream puffs made with vol au vent pastry and heavy cream, there were tiny little pound cakes so rich they could make you weep, there were Napoleans dripping with bittersweet chocolate and just a hint of hazelnut. There were a dozen objects made without white sugar, white flour, eggs, cream or anything worth eating. The order had included a demand for strictly vegan goodies, but as a baker Abby was sure that was an oxymoron. She’d done the best she could, and it wasn’t her fault that a dozen of her concoctions probably tasted like cardboard.
Keeping Miranda by her side, she strode up the walkway to the brick and ivy covered building. Opening the door was going to be tricky. She could see a man standing in the hallway deep in conversation with what must have been a student. She either needed help or she’d drop one hundred dollars of pastries, so she kicked at the door a couple of times to get his attention.[JC11]
He looked up, annoyance on his face, then turned back to the student, ignoring her while he finished his conversation, only then moving to the door to hold it open for her. “Deliveries are made around the back,†he said. “And there are no dogs allowed in here.â€
Abby looked up at him. If only she’d been wearing her Doc Martens she could have kicked him, but flip flops wouldn’t do much damage, so she plastered a smile on her face, biting back her irritation.[JC12]
Behave yourself, Miranda admonished her. He was busy with a student. Besides, he smells good.
I’m not really interested in smelling him, Miranda, Abby thought. Though her dog’s sensitive nose was right, he did smell good. Sort of like clean linen and margaritas.
You’re not drinking anything until you get something in your stomach, Miranda said, sounding like an Irish grandmother[AO13] .[JC14]
â€Stay here, Miranda. I’ll be right back.â€
Miranda let out a long-suffering sigh, looking up at the man with deep disappointment, as if her favorite child had just let her down. She sat, her regal head high, but Abby could still hear what she was thinking.
Don’t lose your temper, Miranda said. The man has possibilities[AO15] . [JC16]
“Possibilities, my ass,†Abby muttered.
He was standing just where she’d left him, and he made no attempt to help her with the boxes. “I presume these are for the Theoretical Mathematics Reception?â€
She could still hear Miranda. Be nice, Abby. This man might be important in your life.
“God, I hope not.â€
“You hope not what?â€[JC17]
She hadn’t realized she’d spoken out loud. He was already looking at her like she was a gypsy who’d wandered in from the forest in search of babies to steal, and now he must think she was deranged as well. And it wouldn’t help if she told him she was talking to her dog, who’d suddenly developed[AO18] the ability to hold an interesting conversation.
“Nothing,†she muttered. “These are for Professor Christopher Mackenzie. Can you tell me where’d find him?â€
“Follow me.†He started off, leaving her to trail after him. His hair was too short – sort of dark blond, and he was tall, lean, and dressed better than anyone she’d ever seen. Theoretical mathematics must pay well, even if it didn’t teach manners.
Abby! Miranda’s warning voice sounded in her head.
All right, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, she thought, feeling grumpy. She really had to remember to eat or her temper was shot to hell.[JC19]
The room was ready for the evening – the coffee station[AO20] was set with heavy silver, the tables lay waiting for the pastries, and a discreet bar had been set up in the corner. She turned to her unwilling companion. “Where would you like me to put them?â€
“On the plates, of course.â€
Normally she wouldn’t have objected, but he was annoying the hell out of her. Best-looking man she’d seen since she’d finally[JC21][AO22] returned to Summerville, and he had to be a turkey.[JC23] Of course, you had to overlook the unsmiling face, the cool eyes, and the faint attitude of complete disdain to see it.
“I’m sorry, I’m only here to deliver the food. Your wait staff should be setting up.â€[JC24]
He didn’t look pleased. Too bad, because beneath it all he could have been gorgeous. Lose the suit, grow the hair, learn to smile. He had no laugh lines on his face at all, though he must have been at least thirty. He probably never laughed.[JC25]
[JC26]“I trust you followed the instructions. No eggs, no white flour or sugar, no milk products.â€
“Absolutely,†she said, hiding the shudder as she remembered concocting the sad little vegan treats[JC27]. A pastry without butter didn’t deserve to be called a pastry – it was a crime. Though she’d done her absolute[AO28] best. “Who do I give the bill to?†[JC29]
He somehow managed to look even more disapproving. “To me. I’m Professor Mackenzie.â€
Obviously, she thought, handing him the envelope, and a little shimmer of flour fell onto his hand and onto his perfect dark suit. He didn’t look pleased. [LDR30] “Do you suppose you could give me a check [LDR31] for the balance tonight?[JC32][AO33] [JC34] I’m a little short on a cash.â€
“My assistant has already sent you a check.â€
She sighed. Just her luck, when she really needed the money. He probably did it on purpose
You’ve dripped flour on him and been less than helpful, Miranda said. He didn’t know you needed the money. Give the man a break.
“Did you send it to the Jeff?†Maybe Gracie would give her an advance. Miranda needed to eat, even if she didn’t.
No comments from the peanut gallery on that one,
Abby thought.
“I wouldn’t know. Where is the Jeff?â€
She stared at him in disbelief. [JC35][AO36] [JC37]“You must be new here. It’s the best coffee shop in town. You ought to try it sometime.â€
“I don’t drink coffee. I’m a vegan.â€
“Why am I not surprised? I don’t suppose you own a brand-new Lexus?â€
His eyes narrowed. They should have been nice eyes behind his wire-rimmed glasses–-a rich brown–but they were looking at her like she was from an alien planet.
“As a matter of fact I do. Why?â€
“Oh, no reason,†she said airily, wondering if there was time to get away with a hit and run. They wouldn’t be able to tell on her car – it was so full of dents and scratches that one new one would hardly stand out. “Nice car.â€
He looked at her, a faintly bemused expression on his face.. Much as she’d like to she wasn’t going to run out on her responsibilities, but the sooner she got away from this man the better. She’d had a long day, she was still reeling from Kami’s punch, and now she’d barely have enough money for dog food, much less groceries. She’d leave her name, cell phone and insurance number on a piece of paper under his windshield wipers. That way he’d have enough time to calm down before she had to deal with him again, and she could do it all by phone. The last thing she wanted to do was have to tell him she’d bashed his Lexus. He already thought she was a space cadet.
He stared at her. “Are you a student here, Miss …?â€
“No way in hell.â€
Perhaps not the most tactful response, said Miranda.
“I beg your pardon?â€
She backpedaled. “It’s nothing personal. I’m sure
“Understandably.â€[JC38]
She needed to get away from there, ASAP.. Get me out of here, Miranda, she thought.
On cue, the sound drifted in from the front steps. [JC39]Aaabbby. “I’ve got to be going,†she said, blessing her dog. “We’ve just come from dog obedience class and she needs to get home.â€
“You mean you tried to bring an untrained dog into a classroom building …?†He seemed horrified.
“I’ve gotta be going,†she said.[JC40] “Enjoy the pastries.†Before he could say anything else she was gone, out of the building, grabbing Miranda’s entirely unnecessary leash as she went.
Slow down, Miranda said. He’s not coming after you. At least, not right now.
“Not ever,†Abby said, shuddering. “At least I hope not.â€
Why? I like him.
“You’re crazy,†Abby said. “He’s an uptight stick in the mud who eats cardboard for pastries. And it’s his fault we don’t have enough money for groceries.â€
You shouldn’t take things at face value, dear. I think he’s going to do very well.
“Do what?†she asked, horrified.
But suddenly Miranda wasn’t talking.
It took Abby only a minute to scrawl her insurance information[JC41] and tuck it under the windshield of the Lexus. Another half second to pull out of her parking space, only to hear the tell-tale scrape of metal on metal and the tinkle of broken glass as she took out one of his tail lights[JC42]. And then she was zipping across town, back to the deserted bar she and Miranda called home.
[JC1]Is starving new for her? is this the first time she’s felt hunger? Wouldn’t she have been repressing lust/hunger? If the hooch has made her hungry, I love that. If before she drinks she was always forgetting to eat, and then she knocks back a glass of Kami punch and she’s starving for the first time in her life. That could be very cool.
[AO2]Ok, now I see the stuff. Yes, it makes sense that she was always repressing the hunger and this is the first time she felt it. I’ll delete the hunger in the opening scene.
[JC3]She really thinks she heard Miranda and she doesn’t even stop?
[AO4]Well, she giggles and thinks it’s Kami’s hooch on an empty stomach. And she’s a little fey. Maybe I need to make that clearer. Since she’s drunk on power she just sort of accepts this as normal, but I’ll tweak it. OK, tweaked it and put just a little more on the page. The line about “some punch” was suppose to cover her reaction to hearing Miranda talk, that and her laugh.
Does it work now?
[JC5]Really? I mean, “literally” means “really” doesn’t it?
[LDR6]I like that, her fascination with the drink and sharing it.
[JC7]Love that.
[JC8]That conflicts with what she thought above.
[AO9]Conflicts with her accepting it was Miranda who was talking?
[JC10]I think this needs to be specific, a list of the things that are in there to set up what it is that Abby does. Wonderful things
[JC11]I love that. So Abby. And so NOT Daisy and Char. They’re all such individuals.
[JC12]plastic/plastered trips me up there.
[AO13]Did I remove the annoyance line? Couldn’t find it. Though in fact I get pissed so seldom that it surprises me when I get annoyed (in the midst of being annoyed.
[JC14]Is she really thinking she seldom gets annoyed? Wouldn’t be annoyed make it impossible for her to think that since she also has to talk to him right away?
[AO15]To my mind Miranda is an old soul, definitely wise and mothering, seeing what Abby clearly needs, though she hasn’t been able to express it before. She’s tried to influence Abby before, to lead her to her destiny, but she couldn’t express it.
Could I get away with her having a heart to heart with Miranda back at the bar tonight while she bakes (and eats)? I could try to get this on the page now but I think it would be info dump.
[JC16]Is Miranda the mature one and Abby the scatterbrain? Does Miranda feel it’s time Abby found a man? Has Miranda been dragging Abby over to potential mates for awhile? I haven’t quite got a grasp on Miranda, she seems very human and very laid back; there’s no dog or animal vibe to her at all.
[JC17]I like this. I don’t think their dogs can read minds, and I have Wolfie making some kind of noise, bark, whine, growl, whenever he talks. I don’t think they’re telepathic, although we can talk about it.
[AO18]Because Miranda is an old soul I was thinking of her as being telepathic. Totally tuned into Abby. But I’m open to that not being the case. I know reincarnation would make the myth too complicated (or would it?) but I believe Miranda is the smartest creature in the book. But I’m open.
[JC19]Okay Miranda and Abby are telepathic. Never mind.
[AO20]If it’s ok that they’re telepathic. I can change it.
[JC21]Finally? Had she been waiting?
[AO22]I’m getting the notes thing down better. Finally because it’s been twenty years. She left when she was a kid. Does it matter?
[JC23]Love that. That’s the first time it’s felt like Abby’s had a voice. Also there’s something about her being a cook and thinking he’s a turkey that I like a lot.
[JC24]Isn’t she the caterer? Cook/caterer? The others would be wait staff from the college or something?
[JC25]Still, long thought while he just stands there. Can you break that up with dialogue?
[JC26]He’s standing there a long time while she thinks he’s a turkey and surveys him. That works for me, especially if she’s reining in her temper, but if he told her to do something and she just stared at him, he’d say something.
[JC27]This sounds horrible, but you said they were good, right? Instead of cardboard, can you find an Abby word? Something that means not juicy, not sweet, not bursting with flavor? “Sad little butterless madelines, the pathetic flourless petit fours, the sugar-free snickerdoodles that wouldn’t get a snicker out of anybody . . .” That’s bad but you know what I mean. She’s a butter/sugar/cream kind of girl and he wanted her to make pastry out of tap water and soy dust.
[AO28]I think Abby’s voice would say things like “absolute best†instead of “best.” She tosses extra words around like she tosses flour and sugar. It’s not spare, but it’s here.
[JC29]I like this. Splint infinitive. It’s probably like a fingernal down a blackboard.
[LDR30]That’s the second time he looks not pleased. Your call, just noticed it.
[LDR31]Cash is faster; wouldn’t she ask for cash? Also, makes the check even more annoying.
[JC32]Would she be tentative or ballsy? “I can take your the check now. Or cash. I think cash is so American, don’t you?”
[AO33]Still tentative. She’s not ballsy, and that’s not her arc. She becomes full of the life she’s repressing, but she’s not particularly ballsy.
[JC34]She’s only asked once. She’s repressing hunger; is this one way it shows, not asking for what she wants? She seems really weak here. Also, that can’t be right, not paying up front for food. He’s a tight ass, but he has to be a FAIR tight ass there has to be something about him that’s attractive (Besides his looks). He wouldn’t help her with the door, he doesn’t like her dog, he’s trying to stiff her on her fee (which is what this sounds like), There has to be something here that makes him vulnerable and sympathetic underneath. Maybe he looked at Miranda and said, “She’s a beautiful dog but I’m allergic. You’ll have to take her outside.” And then when Miranda is outside and Abby’s tying her up, Miranda can say, “He was sad, though,” or something that gives the reader an idea of what’s under the surface of Christopher that’s waiting to explode.
[JC35]Abby needs a reaction here: astonishment, annoyance, interest because he’s new and she is too
[AO36]Not quite ready for interest
[JC37]Again, Abby’s reaction, even if it’s just nodding, so we know how she’s taking this stuff.
[JC38]That sounds like Abby. Wouldn’t Christopher say something like “Understandably,” or say nothing at all? He doesn’t seem flip. Even “Imagine my surprise” is more formal.
[JC39]What does it sound like she’s saying? Calling Abby’s name? “I’m booooooooored. Bored, bored, booooooooooored.”
[JC40]Okay, she doesn’t know but you do. Why does she say this? It doesn’t make sense. I can definitely see her saying “Enjoy the pastries.”
[JC41]It takes longer that that. I’ve done it. I’ll give you a minute, though. A second is a tick of the clock. Half a second you only have time to breathe in.
[JC42]I love the bookending here.
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I’m hungry. Even soulless snickerdoodles would suffice after that entry. Christopher is so uptight. I don’t see a speck of flour, butter or meringue anywhere inside him. What’s the attraction for Abby? He’s repressed it all hasn’t he? He’s a vegan because of allergies and hates all the delicious treats he’s had to turn his back on so he takes it out on Abby who has it all, even the dog because of course he always wanted a dog, a huge hairy beast that loved him despite his health issues which really aren’t his fault - bad genetics. Man, I think about your book way too much.
Well, he’s gorgeous. If he kept his mouth shut, she could look at him. Go look at the cast picture again. He’s very pretty.
Well, this was very difficult to read with all the etc but yes I agreed with Jenny (?) I think it was that Chrisptopher needs to be a fair tight ass and have something sympathetic about him. He just seemed a little cold and no reason even for Miranda with her diggie sicth sense to like him
Like that he’s uptight though - all the possibilities!!
That Guy Pearce - he’s come a long way since Neighbours!
Okay - 2 glasses of wine under my belt. Sorry.
doggie and sixth - I write like I have a lisp
“I don’t drink coffee. I’m a vegan.â€
I don’t get this. A vegan wouldn’t drink coffee with cream, but why no coffee? And why no white sugar? I know some of it is bleached using bone char, but I think you can get some that doesn’t use animal parts in the processing.
Is it, “I’m a vegan for health reasons, and also don’t put other unhealthy things like sugar and coffee into my body.”, or am I missing something else?
Otherwise, I loved getting to know Abby. I want some of her treats!
Interesting, but one point, which of course can be totally disregarded. I am a cook/caterer/baker sugar cream flour and eggs kind of girl. When customers ask me for sugar free, dairy free, gluten free, vegan, whatever I feel terribly sad for them and go balls out to make something wonderful. They are on those dietary restrictions for a reason. Some reasons are legitimate health or ethical reasons and deserve respect and compassion. Some reasons are based more in neurosis and denial and the pain is sometimes palpable, and they also deserve compassion. I imagine the bleakness of life for someone who cannot or will not have a cream puff and find someway to bring them beauty in food.
I’m okay with just looking at him but none of you write those kinds of heroes, the kind that stand around looking prettier than the heroine while she goes out and kicks ass, so I was ruminating about his finer, more heroic qualities. Abby is the kinda girl who looks beneath the surface if I’m not mistaken.
Gotta stop reading this entry and go in search of a cream puff.
Interesting, Jenifer. I’ll have to check out more about vegans. I think Christopher is trying to shut out any kind of emotion/sensual pleasure so he doesn’t do sugar, caffeine, any animal product. I think when the book opens he’s pretty tight-assed — because if he lets go he’s going to be a wild man.
Delurking to ask if Christopher perhaps had been a mathematical prodigy? I knew someone in college who was a vegan homeschooled mathematical prodigy–a sweet, well-intentioned, extremely smart person who was so unsocialized that s/he drove everyone else completely insane. Also, I got the impression that Christopher in his early 30s, which is on the young side for a full professor in math unless he blasted through school.
Looking forward to seeing that transformation.
If you want to get some good info on veganism, check out the blog http://veganlunchbox.blogspot.com/
She set it up originally as a way to show a year’s worth of lunches being sent to school with her vegan son (he was 6 at the time, I think). Lots of really great foodstuffs and discussion, plus on the sidebar there are several links to the what and why of vegan eating.
Says Jenifer, who is currently trying to figure out when she can pick up her side of beef from the butcher . . .
“I think when the book opens he’s pretty tight-assed — because if he lets go he’s going to be a wild man.”
I think we need a little hint of this in here. Like some physical cues that he’s practicing rigid control, if we can’t have a little of his POV here. Some of my favorite male characters are the ones who know they are just barely civilized underneath their extreme self-discipline, but I didn’t get that here. I just got a sense of a very unhappy man.
If Abby’s supposed to be a little fey, maybe she can sense some of the wildness in him? At this first meeting maybe just very briefly then disregards it, but it gets stronger when she sees him again later?
I’m thrown by the dog voices. Bailey and Wolfie have a bit of a stacato speech. Miranda’s whole sentences lend her an air of dignity and refinement, which works, but the whole telepathic thing just throws me right out. And I’m not getting the whole “fey” vibe from Abby yet.
And ditto the others on Christopher. Right now, I just don’t like him. Tight-ass needs some sign of redemptive possibilities. Like maybe his hand can hover over the full-fat, full-sugar Napolean before reluctantly picking up a cardboard cookie?
Actually, if Christopher is as self-denying as all that, perhaps he doesn’t eat snacks at all. I know people like that. I stay far away from people like that.
And you can do some pretty amazing things with dried fruit, nuts, honey and whole grains, but it’s definitely a challenge. As with low-salt diets, I think the key is not to try to make martyr versions of things, but put together something that works with foods one CAN have.
But grain-sweetened chocolate (at least the kinds I’ve tried) are just nasty.
Abby is coming across as really judgemental about vegans (and potentially insensitive to people with food allergies or an allergy to dogs). And if Chris is self-denying, why does he have what I assume is an expensive new car? Also, if he’s the vegan and he’s self-denying, why does he need quite so many (a dozen) vegan pastries? Are they all for him? It so it makes him seem like quite a greedy self-denying person.
The pastries are for a math dept. meeting.
Yes, I know those usually aren’t catered but Christopher is SUCH a nice guy . . .
Okay, not, but still . . .
He could look at the dog, wheeze, and snort his inhaler, just to make the point he’s highly allergic. He doesn’t have to be vegan philosophically to avoid stuff like eggs and wheat, just super duper allergic.
Of course, a NICE allergic guy would order whatever for his meeting with a few special hypoallergenic things for himself so that everyone else could have the good stuff.
I’m not feeling this one. I think there’s potential, but I don’t like Abby here for many reasons:
I don’t have a lot of patience with people who are *that bad* at parallel parking. It’s just geometry. I could see scraping the corner of a bumper, but not the whole edge of a car which would squeal like nails on a chalkboard. (And my easy going brother just got his brand new car damaged all down the right side from some careless person just 2 days ago, and it’s really distressing to have a brand new posession raped like that, especially after 5 years of no damage to the previous car.) Her “oh well” reaction made me angry enough to not want to read more about Abby.
Abby’s way crankier than any vegan I’ve ever met. I know I get, ahem, cranky when I’m thirsty, and a little when I’m hungry. But she is a freaking baker with food all around who just had a few glasses of something good to drink. Why wouldn’t she just snatch something from the counter at the Jeff on her way to class and pay it back later?
As to the vegan food, the best pie crust I know of is vegan: equal weights pecans and dates ground in a food processor and pressed in a shell. Fabulous. I admit that the “cook on stove then dump in pie crust” apple pie filling could use some butter, but it’s still really good too. And was it a restriction on all flour or just white/cake flour? That’s nothing to do with being vegan. Whole wheat in chocolate chip cookies isn’t half bad. And someone who is *starving* yet fantazing about a vegan salad should realize the incongruity.
At any rate, Abby comes across not as a hungry person who just wants her day to be done so she can get a snack, but as a judgemental incompetent with no sympathy for special dietary needs or preferences. I don’t like her here. I liked her in the car.
The dog telepathy actually works ok here because there aren’t whole lots of thoughts. Until it starts reading like the dog is in the room with her when she’s left outside.
I hope this critique doesn’t sound too mean. I’m having a harsh and judgemental kind of day. But I didn’t feel this scene lived up to the scene in the car before the class.
But he did get the good stuff too. So he’s not all bad.
And wheat would be OK for a vegan, but having a wheat allergy could exist (celiac disease). Honey’s not OK for a vegan, though. And some red food dyes (made with crushed up beetle - yuck!). Just in case anyone wondered . . .
Yeah, that’s where the telepathy with Miranda really threw me off - when I realized that Abby had left Miranda outside.
and I will never eat anything dyed red again… (YUCK)
I did think about the irony of me being all judgemental while whining about Abby being judgemental. In case you were wondering.
Ah, red dye from cochineal bugs. Another fine “new world” product like corn, potatoes, chili, and chocolate. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cochineal
Cant wait for the wild man - tingling in anticipation.
Yes, I need a life.
Oops - sorry about the honey. There’s no vegan reason not to eat white sugar, but many don’t for other reasons.
The pecan-date piecrust sounds fabulous!
Well, presumably Abby and Christopher, as protagonists, will both have character arcs in which they grow and change.
My nephew grew very defensive, at some point, and said that it was bad to care more about cars than people. Which is totally not the point. If your choice is to damage a car or damage a person, clearly one chooses which ever is cheapest to repair. No, wait…
Anyway, the point is that cars have value, and damaging them (or anything else) reduces their value. This may be a financial loss, but also shows disrespect to the producers and maintainers of whatever, and (depending on the situation) the people who have to look at it. Certainly people make mistakes, have accidents, bad judgement, whatever, but while lack of attachment to one’s own property is, no doubt, spiritually advanced, carelessness about other people’s is not charming.
If you really want to make the point that he’s an irritating customer to a creative baker it would be more true that he would ask for carb free and fat free. Carb free and fat free are less congruent with the pastry realm and it is more clearly a neurotic denial of the sensuality of food and life. The Millineum Cafe in San Fransisco is vegan and makes some of the most amazing food I’ve ever had - and I’m a major foodie (also not a vegan).
I’m going to have to try the pecan and date pie crust - does that come from a cook book? Is there any way I could get that recipe? Seriously, my customers would LOVE it.
The Pecan/Date pie crust came from an online recipe a few years ago. It’s really easy: Take about 8oz by weight each of pecans and dates (with no pits). A smaller crust might use 6 oz each. Pulse them in a food processor until they crumb, but stop before they stick into a giant ball. Then just press it into a pie shell. It’s really that easy. It’s also expensive, but totally worth it. (You can substitute cheaper walnuts, but my mom’s allergic so I rarely use them.) Cheapest nuts and dates I’ve found are at Trader Joes. I don’t know if food professionals can find them cheaper.
I have used this with a pumpkin pie filling that I cooked afterward. The nuts get less crispy and any exposed edges burn unless protected by a pie shield, and sometimes even then. So while you can bake it, I don’t recommend it. You could cook your favorite apple filling on the stove top and pour it in. I haven’t yet tried it with the extra easy no-milk “cream” pie made of soy where you blend a drained hunk of tofu with microwaved chocolate (or butterscotch) chips and a minute amount of sweetner.
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And I love Diane’s line “carelessness with other people’s belongings is not charming”. What a much nicer way to say “don’t be blase about making someone’s stuff permanently disappointing”. I obsessed about this a little too much. Maybe it was his first brand new car (like my brother’s), maybe it was a gift. Maybe it was the cheapest car he felt comfortable getting? But if she scratches the heck out of 4 body panels and takes off the mirror, that paint is never going to match again, the doors might always stick a bit and it will always feel a little disappointing and “less than” whenever he gets in his car which is 2-3 times a day for the next 8 years. That’s a lot of disappointment. And that’s why that passage got my dander up. I’m going to go stare at the rock damage in my first new windshield now.
Thanks CrankyOtter! Pecans are worth the expense.
This is good stuff.
The problem always comes in balance. If Abby’s just a little bit distractable, she doesn’t have a problem. If Christopher is just a picky eater, he doesn’t have a problem. If she just nicks his fender, they really don’t have a problem.
OTOH, we don’t want anybody loathing them, so this is great feedback.
I have the same problem with Ray. If everybody says, “Why is she with him?” then Shar’s an idiot, although every woman I know has at least one “Why was I with him?” story. Still, fiction has to be better than reality, so Ray gets rewritten.
ARGH.
“…fiction has to be better than reality.” Amen, sister.
“I don’t have a lot of patience with people who are *that bad* at parallel parking. It’s just geometry.” Ah, CrankyOtter, you see, some of us absolutely SUCK at geometry. I’m suspecting that Abby is one of us. (I’ve never actually hit anyone’s car while *trying* to parallel park, but it’s not a pretty sight.) I can see Abby being that bad at parallel parking, but I would think she’d be at least a little bit more upset about the damage she’s done, magic Kool-Aid or no.
“If Christopher is just a picky eater, he doesn’t have a problem. If she just nicks his fender, they really don’t have a problem.”
I don’t know, I’m thinking that even scratching the fender on Christopher’s brand new car would be a problem. Christopher is so uptight, I would say even the smallest of small scrapes on any part of his brand new car would be a problem. As far as the picky eater thing..well, I would say that’s more of a problem because of Abby being a baker. Abby self denies by not eating the fabulous pastries that she makes. But she expects OTHER people to eat and enjoy her concoctions, so I can see his mirror self denial being that big of a deal for her. Especially combined with him being such a tight ass.
Lastly, Miranda’s telepathy definitely throws me off. (Which perhaps is irrelevant now that Miranda has become Beastie?) And the fact that she’s outside the building…well, then she shouldn’t be able to comment on the converstaion Abby and Christopher are having inside. When she does, it makes it seem more like she’s a ghost following Abby around or a disembodied voice inside her head.
‘K. Bedtime for me. The Miss Fortunes kept me up last night.
What I didn’t like about the the car thing was that it seemed like there was no reason for her to sideswipe the car (other than plot), it seems like just carelessness. It would work for me if it was an accident - something distracted her and at the last second she made her turn too sharp or the steering on her car was wonky. A problem she’d been meaning to have fixed but had never had the time/money to take her car to the shop. To me, that says distracted not careless.
She’s kind of “Oops, I did it again. Silly me” about it. It seems to me that if she knew she was a crappy parallel parker she wouldn’t have tired to squeeze a boat the size of an LTD into a small space.
I guess that struck me because A) I work with 26 men who think nothing of making comments about women drivers and B)I’ve just conquered a terrible driving phobia that was fueled by thoughts of things just like that - making a stupid decision and causing an accident.
I think I just don’t feel the lushness waiting underneath yet. I don’t see the hint of what’s lurking underneath that we the readers need to see even if the characters are in total denial. I’m not rubbing my hands together and chortling in glee while imagining the lusty goodness that’s going to happen when these two finally break free.
I want to like Abby and I want to sympathize with her in her distractedness and her self imposed denial because I really want to see her focused and fufilled but right now I just can’t. This version reminds me of the pilot episode of a great tv show - it’s awkward and a bit off the mark in places but you can see the potential so you want to keep watching.
I normally don’t feel brave enough to offer my opinion on things like this but the car thing really got me. I understand that it is yet another thing between them, another difference but I’m just not sure of the mechanics of if.
I’ve just had another thought about this. How many men would manifest repression by denying themselves sugar and white flour? Maybe if he was Catholic and it was during Lent, or if he had a food allergy, but in general, fasting and restricting particular kinds of food seems like the sort of thing that women are more likely to do because more women go on more strange diets and have a complicated relationship with food and consider some kinds of food ’sinful’. Men tend not to think about that sort of thing so much because unlike Min in Bet Me, they don’t tend to have have mothers like Nanette telling them to avoid carbs or they’ll never catch a man. So there would have to be some special reason why his repression would manifest itself this way. I can imagine that if someone in the family had died of a heart attack he might want to avoid fatty foods, for example. Or if he felt some empathy for animals he might become a vegan (perhaps he once had a Kool-aid like experience and understood what it might be like to be an animal, and after that he couldn’t bear to eat one). Or if someone in the family had been an alcoholic, or if he’d done something bad while drunk, he’d avoid alcohol.
I think it’s more of a denial of pleasure. (Krissie’s at a quilt show for the week, so she’ll be back later.)
That is, I don’t think he thinks, “Can’t have sugar.” I think he thinks, “If it’s pleasurable or not necesessary for survival, then I don’t need it and neither does anybody else.” There are people who actually don’t have a sweet tooth. I can see somebody like that buying a Lexus because it was a hybrid and because those things run forever. It’s a practical car, and he could justify his subliminal need for wonderful things by researching and finding out it’s a practical expense that’s also a luxury. Sugar, OTOH, is good for nothing except pleasure. As for white flour, as somebody who has a kitchen full of whole wheat bread and whole wheat pasta and whole wheat pancake mix, sometimes perfectly sane people like me give up white flour just because it’s nutritionally empty. If I could find a baker who made great whole wheat chocolate cupcakes, I’d be so there. In fact, I’ve had several disasters trying to do that on my own.
It’s not that giving up sugar and white flour is unlikely for men, I think, it’s the motivation for giving them up. He’s a smart man. Whole wheat is better for you than white. He’s not somebody who does anything but math for pleasure because math is his life. We just have to figure out a way to get that on the page without Christopher saying, “So Abby, let me tell you a little about myself while I ‘m trying to get rid of you and your dog.”
But if he doesn’t have a sweet tooth, then cutting out sugar isn’t a denial of pleasure, so it doesn’t work as a signal that he’s being self-denying. So he has to have a sweet tooth, but deny because it’s not necessary. He also has to be making an effort to deny himself, because eating unhealthily is easier. Making that effort is a distraction from concentrating on maths.
For what it’s worth, I know some very dedicated scientists/mathematicians and some of them are gourmets who really appreciate fine food almost as much as they appreciate their work. That’s one group. The other lot are pretty much oblivious to what they’re eating and will shovel it down, because they think of it as fuel. They don’t bother spending time thinking about the ingredients because they’re far too busy with their science.
I think he thinks, “If it’s pleasurable or not necesessary for survival, then I don’t need it and neither does anybody else.†Just on that last part, he isn’t imposing his dietary requirements on the other people in the department, because the “two large boxes of goodies” contain “cream puffs made with vol au vent pastry and heavy cream, there were tiny little pound cakes so rich they could make you weep, there were Napoleans dripping with bittersweet chocolate and just a hint of hazelnut”. So clearly he isn’t selfish and he doesn’t impose his views on others.
‘We just have to figure out a way to get that on the page without Christopher saying, “So Abby, let me tell you a little about myself while I ‘m trying to get rid of you and your dog.†‘
Not being a writer, and not knowing what you’ve all got planned, I haven’t got a clue how you’d go about making the reader realise at this point in his arc that Christopher is repressed. The motivation for why Abby doesn’t like Christopher also needs to be made a bit clearer, a least for a reader like me, because at the moment I’m getting a sense that she despises vegans.
Cherry Wench summed up how I’m feeling: “I think I just don’t feel the lushness waiting underneath yet. [...] I normally don’t feel brave enough to offer my opinion on things like this but the car thing really got me”. Except in my case it was the vegan thing that really got to me. I really don’t want to be rude or spoil the fun for all of you, it was just that Abby’s behaviour upset me.
And apologies for a third consecutive post, but I realised that I’d said ‘Cherry Wench’, not ‘Office Wench Cherry’ so I thought I should apologise for that too.
Call me anything you want, Laura, just don’t call me late for dinner.
We don’t have a posting limit. Brainstorming has no limits.
My first experience with a vegan was 20 years ago, the boyfriend of one of my HS friends. She has a tendency to choose men who need nurturing…
Anyway, this guy was vegan, ate no sugar or alcohol and was, I think, allergic to wheat. I could probably do something now, but at the time, I pretty much said “he can bring his own carrot sticks and rice cakes, I’ve got nothin’”.
The reason behind at least part of the self-denial was that he was a recovering narcotics addict, which gave him what I consider to be hypervigilance on the subject of food.
If Christopher is a food know-it-all, he could have investigated calories and fat grams and life expectancies associated with fiber intake and things and decided that it’s irrational to eat yummy food. It’d then be up to Abby to teach him that you don’t live longer if you eat bad food, it just seems that way.
It’d then be up to Abby to teach him that you don’t live longer if you eat bad food, it just seems that way.
Yes, except that the people with food allergies really would be living very much shorter lives if they had an anaphylactic shock.
I’m aware that I’m probably coming across as though I do live a dreary, nit-picking little existence, but I think this is going to be a delicate issue to tackle, because giving the impression that vegans or people with food allergies live boring, pleasure-deprived lives is going to upset and annoy/upset some readers (e.g. vegans and readers with food allergies).
I’m not a vegan, but I am a vegetarian, and I wouldn’t be very happy with an author who seemed to imply that unless one ate red meat, one was living a drained, less than full-blooded experience. I could probably accept that line of reasoning from a vampire character.
The vegan thing got me too. I just felt like Abby was kind of mean and shallow, instead of a thwarted baker who wanted people to eat and enjoy her food. She came across as judgemental which is not how I saw her earlier. What if she had made vegan treats but instead of belittling them as cardboard treats, she begrudged the extra time & ingredients she could not afford?
And Laura–dreary, nitpicking little existence? You make me laugh so maybe not so dreary.
Laura, sweetie, you’re doing research on the GHH. Nobody thinks your dreary, nit-picking, or anything but fabulous.
And I’m pretty sure Christopher isn’t a vegan any more. (g) Krissie still playing with fabric at the quilt show, but she was definitely ready to drop the vegan thing. You did good work here.