This was our second chat. We’d done a lot of stuff in e-mail - holy crap, I’ve never gotten or generated so much e-mail in my life as in this collaboration - and  we’d worked up a pretty good head of steam by the time we got into the chat. Hence the crack monkeys and Cheetos. Without further ado… here we go:

Dogs & Goddesses — Tuesday, January 16
Lani D. has entered the room
Jenny C. has entered the room

Lani D. I’ve been here waiting for you guys!
Lani D. Okay - loving the sex goddess stuff. I think it’s always smart for a goddess to specialize.

Jenny C. I do, too. Can’t think why I stuck with the war goddess thing for so long

Lani D. X is calling me. She can’t get in the room.

Jenny C. We’re having s’mores, X.

X. has entered the room

Lani D. Hey! It’s a party now!

Jenny C. There you are.
Jenny C. Get out the smoozies.

X. hello

Jenny C. Hey, babe.

Lani D. Hey, X! Glad you could make it!

Jenny C. I was trying to look at the three turning points as revelations.
Jenny C.The first turning point is we’re priestesses to this whack job.
Jenny C. The second turning point is, fuck, we’re demi-goddesses.

X. I love the turning points as revelations; esp. if they get darker and grimmer to the point where our gals are like, fuck it, we may as well go with it

Jenny C. The third turning point is we’re the triple goddess.
Jenny C. Well, especially if at the third turning point they’re fated to sacrifice Sam.
Jenny C. Very hard on relationships.

Lani D. Oh - that’s gonna be so great.

X for some reason, triple goddess makes me think “wonder twins activate!”

Lani D. Form of… a Chinese Crested!
Lani D. Those dogs crack me up. Every time I see that picture, I get all giddy inside.

Jenny C. Maybe they find out they’re the triple goddess at the end? I don’t think the triple goddess sacrificed anybody.

Lani D. I think the triple goddess revelation is where they find their power - like when Buffy called all the slayers at the end of S7.

Jenny C. Yeah, the Triple Goddess thing might be the climax.

Lani D. I think the third revelation might be that their powers have limits - they can’t save their guys. Well, not individually.

Jenny C. You know, we don’t know what the threat is. What’s their goal?

X. well, first, WHY are they compelled to sacrifice them? goal?
X. shit, Jenny.

Jenny C. Crops.
Jenny C. You sacrifice the king in the fall and then he’s born again in the spring.X. i’m just going to sit here and drink wine and let jenny type what i’m thinking

Jenny C. There’s a dying king myth in every culture.

X that’s IT. They have to sacrifice the guy to save the world

Jenny C. You know. Jesus. Elvis.

X. so what is more important, their individual love or the world?
X. and of course they are backed into the corner

Jenny C. I think in the third act, they’re really priestesses, she’s got them in that damn temple.
Jenny C. Plotting. And the dogs are in little hats.
Jenny C. Pissed as all hell.
Jenny C. Maybe little white pompoms on their heads.

X. eating Cheetos

Jenny C. Cheetos. Fine old mesopotamian tradition.
Jenny C. Kammani gets hooked on them.

X hey, she used to have to eat barley and shit and now she’s all about Mike’s Hard Lemonade and cheetos

Jenny C. Okay, first act, they find out they have powers, and they’re walking around trying to cope and it’s just a fun act, we’re having a good time, supernatural powers and slap and tickle, right?
Jenny C. Then the turning point is the scene where they find out they’re priestesses?

X. yes, but there has to be a trickle of the dark. a foreshadowing, if you will. <used pompous literary term, 10 points for me>

Jenny C. Yes, there has to be a trickle of dark.
Jenny C. Except this is still going to be funny.

Lani D. The trickle of darkness?

Jenny C. Human sacrifice. A laff riot.

X. also a glimmer of the ultimate stakes. if we’re all happy and fun at first, it turns into a different book in the second act. happy and fun with a shimmer/thread of dark and dangerous

Jenny C. Dogs and cats, living together.

Lani D. Well, I think the Kool-Aid mind control is a harbinger of badness to come. So all the girls will be feeling it a bit.

Jenny C. Well, if we off somebody fairly fast, that’ll do it, too.

Lani D. Yeah, I’m not worried about there not being enough foreshadowing of Ultimate Evil <insert cackle here>
Lani D. Which brings us back - what’s at stake? Is the whole world going to implode? Is Kammani going to banish all men, or just ours? Why ours? I understand why Sam has to be sacrificed, it’s kind of his thing, but the musician and the forest ranger - we need to know why.
Lani D. I’m sorry - I’m jumping ahead.

Jenny C. No, no, that’s not ahead, that’s the key.

Lani D. Yeah, but are we going in order here? Don’t wanna disrupt the groove.

Jenny C. We have no groove. You’re chaos, stop looking for a groove.

Lani D. Whoops. Sorry. Does Chaos apologize? I need a rules sheet.

Jenny C. Yes, Chaos apologizes. Because she likes things orderly.

X. sp tjat
X. so that’s not a problem

Jenny C. Who’s sp tjat?

Lani D. I dunno. Sounds mesopotamian to me.

X. that’s mesopotamian for bite me

Lani D. Big smooches.

X oh, hey! i know somebody who actually IS a forest ranger in Ohio! ha. how could i forget him? i could ask him about it. trees and nature and shit
X. <shudder>

Lani D. Yeah. I’m TIVOing Dog Whisperer for Jamie.

Jenny C. To research Shar, I’m just not having orgasms.

X but why the hell not?
X although how would you deduct that on your taxes? “Seven condoms, January 17th”

Jenny C. No, toward the end of the book she does that and HAS them. I’ll do that, too.

Lani D. Ohhhhh… Fish is gonna be so sad he missed this.

Jenny C. Be the book.
Jenny C. So Kammani arrives and her goal is to regain her status as the Goddess of Sex and Fertility.
Jenny C. And to get that, she’s going to have to sacrifice a god.
Jenny C. Naturally there’s Sam.

X how does sam arrive?

Jenny C. He rises in Shar’s bedroom.

Lani D. in more ways than one. Ba-doom-boo-chaaaa.
Lani D. How do they sacrifice him?
Lani D. Please tell me they don’t cut off his… you know.

Jenny C. The longer it takes the god to die, the more fertile the land.
Jenny C. Because his blood fertilizes the land.
Jenny C. So in some cultures, they cut pieces off so he’ll die slowly.

X pull his heart out.

Jenny C. Different pieces.

Lani D. Okay - we’re with you.

X the heart symbolism is classic for a reason

Jenny C. Because his heart has to keep beating to pump blood.

X and warriors ate hearts for courage

Jenny C. Fingers, toes, whatever they can to keep the blood pumping.

X to eat the courage of their victims,

Jenny C. It’s an honor to die slowly.

X ok, i can go with slow. the heart could be the very last and very symbolic

Jenny C. Of course, after a couple thousand years, you’re kind of up to your ass in honor already.
Jenny C. I have NO idea if the Mesopotamians even DID human sacrifice.

Lani D. Literary license. Go for it.

Jenny C. But I think Kammani did.

Lani D. Kammani would.

X well, we can fudge. because K could be the ruler of a little known sect

Jenny C. And since her worship is lost in time when Ishtar overtook her.
Jenny C. We’re good.

X not very popular, cause, you know, death

Jenny C. Yeah. They’re just not making sects like they used to.

Lani D. And female power gets buried.

Jenny C. The bastards.
Jenny C. So she comes back, she’s gonna take over, get her priestesses together, sacrifice her consort, be back on top. She gathers her priestesses, but one dies, the wimp, and now Sam is saying no thanks to the sacrifice, and she’s looking at Jamie the Dog Priest . . .

Lani D. But what happens once she gets that power? That’s what our girls want to avoid.

Jenny C. And she’s trying to start it up again?
Jenny C. Scientology.
Jenny C. That’s where the numbnuts who named the kid come back in?
Jenny C. Marianne Williamson.
Jenny C. Dr. Phil.
Jenny C. Everybody needs a guru.
Jenny C. Kammani says you can achieve enlightenment through sex.
Jenny C. And baby, when you’re in her temple, you DO.

Lani D. Which, really, is kinda true.

Jenny C. You have sex at her spa, you see God.

Lani D. Everybody’s going tantric.

Jenny C. But Kammani can give them the Kool aid and then play with their heads.
Jenny C. She can make them think they really see the Truth. She is a god.
Jenny C. We don’t want much of this, but it’s a big enough threat. We’d have to figure out the passage of time.
Jenny C. Even if that’s just what she’s got planned.
Jenny C. Hmmmm. I don’t know.
Jenny C. X?

Lani D. Well, it would have to be in the stuff Shar and Sam are reading, right?

Jenny C. No, I think it has to be in Kammani’s scenes. It has to be happening in front of the reader.

Lani D. X? You still with us?

Jenny C. Watching people read old books is not interesting.

X Do you remember those monkeys who would quit eating and having sex and everything else for crack cocaine?

Jenny C. Besides, I don’t think Sam is a big reader.
Jenny C. No, I missed those monkeys.

X well, sex with K. influence is like that crack cocaine for monkeys. everybody would be fornicating and being fertile and the rest of the world would go to hell in a handbasket
X sorry, leftover from my PhD in psychology days. huge trials where they gave chimps cocaine and they quit doing anything/everything else, even sex and eating

Lani D. No, no, the crack monkeys are good.

Jenny C. Actually if everybody in the world was having sex, the world would be a better place.

X well, sure, until the electricity quit running and the water quit working

Lani D. I think the crack monkeys might be useful in the book.

Jenny C. There’s a line we have to put on the website.

X and there was no food to eat because the farmers were fucking in the fields instead of working
X it’s a matter of degrees

Jenny C. I was thinking more of no shooting but never mind.
Jenny C. Okay, now we know Kammani’s goal.
Jenny C. I think when you look at this idea, at the things that will be fun for the reader, beyond the women talking to the dogs, beyond the great sex, it’s going to be embracing that power.
Jenny C. The idea that wherever Daisy walks, chaos reigns.

Lani D. Yeah - I think finally embracing that power is the big key to what makes this so fun.

Jenny C. I think it’s important to find the stuff in a book that makes it crunchy for a reader.
Jenny C. And that supernatural power trip is crunchy.
Jenny C. To be able to be inside Sharlotte’s head the first time she looks at somebody and scrambles his or her brains.

Lani D. And I think the bonding and community of it is crunchy as well. Going through that process with support.
Lani D. With Daisy, the chaos gets worse when she’s sexually excited, so that’s gonna be fun. She can’t have sex and order, and eventually, she has to choose.

Jenny C. These mousy women are suddenly flexing their fingers. The girls who sneered at Shar’s mud brown sweater are asking her where she got it because it’s so hot and she tells them mud brown is the new pink.
Jenny C. But then they have to swing back. Shar’s coming her brains out but she’s not making love. They’re only part of the experience although they can go on and get it all, all by themselve they’re only part of the equation.

Jenny C. That’s where that discovery of the triple goddess comes in, that need for the link.

Lani D. I think when Daisy goes back to the office - this is after the Kool-aid - she’s going to suddenly see that the office girls who she thought respected her order were really just laughing at her. And her ex-fiance is definitely going to suffer.

Jenny C. Yeah. There’s going to be hell to pay in the Ancient History dept.

Lani D. Now that’s crunchy.
Lani D. I like the need for balance, that with the first hit, they swing too far the other way.

Jenny C. I think Sam’s going to sleep with a lot of women at first. He would. He’s a god.

Lani D. And he’s corporeal. Gotta make up for lost time.

Jenny C. Plus, he’s going to die in a couple of weeks. Monogamy, not much point.

Lani D. It’s only practical.

Jenny C. And he’s a guy.

X but is Shar ending up with him?

Jenny C. Yep.

Lani D. I think Jamie’s gonna be pretty solid. I think he’s the kind of guy who goes with the flow, knows what he wants, and doesn’t worry too much. He’s gonna anchor Daisy a lot when she goes off.

Jenny C. Mortal.

X so with a reduced time frame, maybe be careful about how many chicks he sleeps with? turn off the reader

Jenny C. I know.
Jenny C. What I’m thinking is, he’s not the sharpest spoon in the drawer.
Jenny C. But he does the right thing.
Jenny C. He’s a god. He lives to serve and he dies to serve.

Lani D. Well, becoming mortal is gonna be a huge sacrifice for him

Jenny C. He’s not going to get a choice, I don’t think.
Jenny C. I think something has to happen at the end to make them all mortal, Kammani included.
Jenny C. Some kind of blowback?

Lani D. Oh, right - because killing Kammani brings him back, and he’s banished during that time.

Jenny C. Maybe they do something to kill her, and what it does is kill her divinity?

X okay, death redeems sluttishness

Jenny C. And the blowback takes all their divinities?

Lani D. Their divinity is gone, but the power they always had is still there - they just know how to weild it now.
Lani D. Or. You know. Wield.

X plus a little lagniappe of power
X for each of them.

Lani D. lagniappe?

Jenny C. They can still talk to the dogs.
Jenny C. A little extra.

X extra benefit, bonus,

Lani D. A gift with purchase.

Jenny C. The thirteenth doughnut.

X like, a manicure that never chips
X or hair that never frizzes

Jenny C. Two cherries on top.
Jenny C. So something happens at the end, they make the supreme sacrifice to bring down Kammani, and when the smoke clears, they’re all standing there, mortal.
Jenny C. And Kammani is gone.

Lani D. Yeah - I like that they’re ready to sacrifice all to bring her reign to an end. I feel like there has to be more palpable bad, though, other than just “we know this will happen.” The bad needs to be happening, more than just the guys being banished.

Jenny C. Okay, a more palpable bad. Go on.

X yes, i agree with that. the bad has to already start to happen, which we can easily do since

Lani D. I think there needs to be a real threat to what these girls hold dear. To everyone.

X we’re in an isolated town. power can start going off the grid, trash pickup ends, stores aren’t opening, everybody is having wild sex

Lani D. Screwing like crack monkeys?
Lani D. Nothing’s getting done?
Lani D. Doctors aren’t saving lives.

Jenny C. It’s recreational. This goes on for awhile so it’s dangerous.

Lani D. Nuclear reactors are blowing.
Lani D. I think the crack monkeys are the key.

Jenny C. The Cheetos factory shuts down.

X NOT the cheetos factory!!!!!

Lani D. Get her where it hurts, why don’t ya?

Jenny C. It’s a rough world out there, X.

X i don’t even eat cheetos. now if you mess with my Mike’s hard lemonade, you’ve got trouble . . .
X i’m a can of aquanet away from the trailer park

Lani D. No - I think the trailer park is more Coor’s Light and Virginia Slims menthols.

Jenny C. You must hang out in some pretty high class trailer parks, Missy.
Jenny C. Lone Star and Camels.

Lani D. Well, I’m a classy girl.

Jenny C. That’s what they wrote on the restroom mirror down at the Toot N Tote.

Lani D. Yeah. I wrote that. Girl’s gotta protect the rep.
Lani D. So - Cheetos factory.

Jenny C. Probably not
Jenny C. Country-wide fuckfest.
Jenny C. My reputation is shot.

Lani D. Reputations are overrated.
Lani D. The girls are gonna know they have to do something.
Jenny C. Which is why they have to kill Kammani.

Lani D. Absolutely.
Lani D. What if they go into it thinking they’ll die, the guys will be dead, but Kammani will be taken out, and they have no choice.

Jenny C. Maybe it’s a shot in the dark?

Lani D. Point of no return.
Lani D. Then, Kammani is merely mortalized, and they get the guys back, and they’re alive! Hallelujah chorus, Boston Pops, Cheetos.

Jenny C. I like it.

Lani D. Kill the Sex Bitch, Save The World.

Jenny C. Well, we turned left at reality awhile back.

Lani D. So they’re ready to throw everything they’ve got into killing this bitch. That’s when their powers combine.
Lani D. I think we left reality when the dogs started talking.

Jenny C. Power Rangers.
Jenny C. Hey! Wolfie and I have a deep understanding.

Lani D. I’m casting no aspersions on your relationship with Wolfie. That’s between you and your god.

Jenny C. Sam wants a threeway.
Jenny C. Great line! I hope somebody says it to Shar.

Lani D. Daisy will.

Jenny C. “That’s between you and your god, Sharlotte.”
Jenny C. I love this book.

Lani D. Me, too.

X saving the world is worth their deaths
X or it’s going to be a shitty ending for the good girls
X like, hey! we’re alive! screw you, bitches, you killed us

Lani D. The girls sacrifice themselves. Or they think they’re going to die, but they end up just sacrificing their divinity.

Jenny C. Sort of like their virginity.

Lani D. Only more fun.

Jenny C. More useful, too. I can see why you’d want your divinity back.

X so that’s the key.

Lani D. No shit.

Jenny C. Wait, I though the key was crack monkeys.

X they think when they combine to form the Triple Goddess, they will die or at least lose themselves to a “one” powerful being,

Jenny C. Im so confused.

X but they’re willing to do it to save the world

Jenny C. Ooooooh. I love that.

Lani D. But when they go in to take out Kammani, I think they don’t know if they’re going to live or die. And it’s that in-100% thing that allows them to fully access their power and defeat her.
Lani D. Crack monkeys are the key.

X I think they *know* they are going to die.
X or lose themselves
X and that makes the sacrifice so pure

Jenny C. Yes. Their decision to sacrifice themselves makes them truly goddesses?

Lani D. Their willingness to give everything they’ve got to this. That’s what allows them to become the triple goddess.
Lani D. Maybe up until then, they’d tried to become the triple goddess, but couldn’t.

X the purity of total self sacrifice

Jenny C. I love that.
Jenny C. The idea that being a god or goddess is a responsibility?

Lani D. Well, yeah - you get that with Sam. Being a god is about serving those who worship you.
Lani D. Sam gets that; Kammani doesn’t.

X yes of course it is a responsibility
X the girls get that, too, and are willing to sacrifice their lives or at least their humanity

Lani D. OMG I LOVE THIS BOOK!!!

Jenny C. But that’s really great.

Lani D. Sorry. Had to release.

Jenny C. I know, I love it too.
Jenny C. It’s why Sam can be redeemed, I think.

X you had me at Cheetos

Jenny C. He would sleep with all those women.

Lani D. Absolutely; he knows what being a god is all about.

Jenny C. But he’d be a god, too.
Jenny C. I’m so in love with this book.

X I freaking love this book

Jenny C. THIS is why I love collaborating by the way.

Lani D. It’s such a contact high, isn’t it?

X it’s like a white heat
Lani D. I feel really good about what we’ve done today.
Jenny C. Well, we’re good.

Lani D. We are very good.

X we give away bags of cheetos on the blog contests

Jenny C. And take up a collection to send X to Cheeto rehab.

Lani D. We’ll have to check her fingers for orange residue to make sure she’s on the wagon.

Jenny C. You can’t get that stuff off.

Lani D. I think the big thing to take away from today is that the crack monkeys are key.

Jenny C. Actually, I may leave that here. It frightens me.

Lani D. All right, girls. I’m about ready to fall over. I’m off to dream of crack monkeys.
Lani D. Can you tell I’m seriously amused by the crack monkeys?

Jenny C. No. Really?

Lani D. Can we name the blog crack monkeys? No?

Jenny C. I think people might be confused.

Lani D. Between the Cheetos, the crack monkeys, and the Orgy Queen of Publishing, I think we’ve got a big hit in that website.

Jenny C. The website is going to rock.